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What All Great Conversations Need

Not getting what you want in your career? Maybe you are not asking effectively.

Communication should be simple. You say one thing, and the other person says another. The challenge is that each person communicates differently. People listen to what is being said differently, and they interpret what they hear differently, too.

The burden of getting the message across successfully falls on the person who needs to get their message across. This person is you. The more simply you can state what you want, the easier it will be for you to get it. The clearer you can be upfront, the better your results will be. Miscommunication will be minimized, and the next steps in getting what you want will become evident.

So, How You Communicate Well? Follow These Four Points Below:

1. Have A Purpose.

Purpose is a desired result or effect. Purpose is your intention—the positive outcome that you want to occur. Great conversations happen in the mind first, when you are able to visualize yourself obtaining a favorable result. Once you can see yourself being successful, you become successful.

In order to figure out your purpose, ask yourself the following:

• What do I want?
• What would I like the other person to say?
• What would I like the other person to do?
• What would I like to happen after the conversation is over?

It’s important not to have a conversation without purpose. If you don’t have a purpose, you will tend to flub your way through the conversation, and the other person will not get what you are saying or understand what you are asking for.

2. Have A Focus.

You have focus when you are working toward something specific. You have a very definite goal in your mind that you want to reach. Unlike purpose, which gets you ready to have the conversation, focus keeps you on track when you are already talking.

You can get focused by asking yourself the following:

• What do I want to happen?
• What are the specific things I need from this conversation?
• What are the specific things I need the other person to say?
• What are the specific things I need the other person to do?
• What will be the specific points I will make sure I cover/discuss?
• What do I see going wrong with the conversation, and how can I turn it around?

There are different ways to say focused. You can bring an agenda or a list of items you want to discuss, or you can state your purpose up front. This way, if the conversation goes off track, you have something to bring you back to your original intent.

3. Get Agreement.

An agreement is an arrangement between parties regarding a course of action. You know an agreement has been reached when the other person understands what you are saying and agrees to do what you have asked.

You know you have reached an agreement when you have covered the following items:

• Both sides have had the opportunity to speak.
• There are no other points to cover at that time.
• The parties shake hands or put into writing what was agreed to.

Agreement is important. It signifies that you have covered all of the bases, listened well, asked and answers all questions, and accomplished your purpose. You had a goal in mind and you reached it. Good for you.

4. Create Next Steps.

The next steps are the things that will happen after the conversation is over. During the conversation, you will discuss what will happen next. You will also spell out the timing of things, the order in which things will occur, and arrange another time when you will speak again.

You are the person responsible for making sure next steps have been created. Do not leave it up to the other party. Keep next steps in mind while you are creating your focus and reaching an agreement.

While you are creating subsequent tasks, ask yourself the following:

• What will I do next?
• What will the other person do next?
• When will we meet again?
• When will we check in to make sure we are both on track?
• When will our agreement be complete?

Without next steps, the agreement ends with the conversation.

Great conversations rarely happen without preparation. You have to put in the effort. When you take the time to do the work beforehand, your results will be much better afterward.

So, what do you say? You only have one life to live, so it might as well be a life you love!

[2008-05-15]

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About the Expert:

Deborah Brown-Volkman - I am a Professional Certified Coach (PCC), and the President of Surpass Your Dreams, a successful career and mentor coaching company that has been delivering a message of motivation, success, and personal fulfillment since 1998. We specialize in three areas: 1) Career coaching for Senior Executives, Vice Presidents, and Managers who are looking for new career opportunities or seek to become more productive in their current roles. 2) Start-up and practice building for those who want to make coaching their next career. 3) Marketing, public relations and writing services for those who want recognition and fame in their career.

Current and former clients include individuals from: JPMorganChase, Oracle Corporation, Lucent Technologies, General Motors, Procter & Gamble, Ziff Davis, IBM, American Express, EDS, Ogilvy & Mather, McCann-Erickson Worldgroup, Columbia University, New York University, Chief Executive Magazine, MSNBC, & BMW.

I am a Published Writer and my articles on how to be successful in your career can be found on hundreds of web-sites. I am the Author of three books titled Coach Yourself To A New Career (A Guide For Discovering Your Ultimate Profession), Four Steps To Building A Profitable Coaching Practice (A Complete Marketing Resource Book For Coaches) and Four Steps To Building A Profitable Business (A Marketing Start-Up Guide For Business Owners, Entrepreneurs, And Professionals) and Co-Author of The Essential Coaching Book (Secrets to a Winning Life from the Professional and Personal Coaches of the United Coaching Associates, Inc.) I also write a e-mail newsletter and weekly tips titled: Surpass Your Dreams that offers you practical advice and steps so Monday can be the best day of your work week.

I have been featured as a career expert for WABC-TV New York Eyewitness News , CNN , News 12, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, Smart Money Magazine, Business 2.0, The Chicago Tribune, and New York Newsday. I was also a featured guest on BBC, Radio Scotland when they came to New York City to find out how people were coping in their careers since the September 11th attacks.

I am a Graduate of Coach University's Coaches Program, which is an accredited program for Business & Personal Coaching, enrolled in CoachVille’s Graduate School of Coaching, an International Coach Federation (ICF) Professional Certified Coach (PCC), which gives you a coach who has high ethical standards and has met rigorous coaching requirements based on education and professional coaching experience, and a 2004 recipient of CoachVille’s Annual Thomas Leonard coaching award for contributing to the success and evolution of coaching, which gives you a coach who is knowledgeable, experienced, and well-trained; a Founding Member of Coachville.com a coaches training portal created by the founder of Coach University; a Member of the International Association of Coaches, New York City Midtown Coaching Center, and 24/7 Coach, which gives you a coach who uses the latest and cutting-edge coaching techniques; a Member of the International Coach Federation (ICF), the most well-known and respected coaching organization in the world, which gives you a coach who is has numerous resources to provide; and a Member of the Moriches Chamber of Commerce, Westhampton Chamber of Commerce, Moriches Rotary of New York, a career expert for LongIsland.com,  and a Charter Member of the ICF-New York City Speakers Bureau, which gives you a coach who is active and prominent in her community.

Before becoming a coach, my background included twelve years running sales & marketing programs for Fortune 500 companies and dot.coms. I received an AAS degree in Data Processing from Queensborough Community College, a BBA in Marketing from Hofstra University, and a Certificate in Financial Planning from New York University. This gives you a coach with a strong business background.

I live with my husband and best friend, Brian, in Long Island, NY.

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